I am a Mom

I am a mom.

Sometimes the world will look down on that title.

"What do you do?"
"I'm a mom"
"oh, that's nice"

I used to try and make it more impressive--like telling them all the things I do besides being just a mom.  "I like to dabble with graphic design" or "I like to blog" I would say.  I would try to tell them things that would keep them interested in talking to me in the conversation.  If I told them I was just a mom and that I stayed home with my kids, the conversation would quickly turn elsewhere.  That was frustrating for me since I like to be part of the conversation, too. 

For a long time I wanted to be more than just a mom.

I worked on making my blog better.  I worked on trying to sell things at boutiques and craft fairs.  I tried to freelance a little in the graphic design world.  Even got some small design jobs that I got paid for.  Mostly, I tried to come up with ideas to be fun and interesting to other people...and then blog about it so my blog would be cool too.   

And then I had Sam.

Now I struggle to do all the things I'd become an expert at.  I struggle to get all my errands done in a week, let alone one day.  I struggle to get the laundry done, the dishes done, the house kept picked up.  I struggle to remember the simplest things.  I can get off the phone and completely forget about something I was supposed to do right when I hung up!  I feel like I was losing my mind!!  It took me over a month to finish a wreath for my front door that I used to be able to get done in a day.  I feel like an Olympic gold medalist when I can get dinner ready by 6:30 or both the kids in bed by 8:00! The only thing I seem to get accomplished some days is getting Sam to take a good nap and actually taking a shower.

I still want to be cool, and interesting, and have a really fun blog for my friends to read.  But I worry about every post that I put up that is just more pictures of Sam...more pictures of my kids!  I worry that I would lose readers if I am not posting at least one new project a week.  I don't want to be someone that just posts about my kids and outings to the aquarium all the time.  I feel like I have more to offer than that.

Then one late late night, I realized that this is what my life just happens to be right now.

I am a mother.
and that is enough.

It is enough to try and be the best mom I can be for my kids.
They take up all my time now, and that is okay!
They need me...a lot!  And that is okay.
It may take me a whole month to do a project.  And that is okay.
I can put up nothing but pictures of my kids on my blog and that is okay.  They are my life right now. 

If Luke needs me to stop folding laundry to read him a book, then I will leave a pile of laundry on the couch to do just that.  He will only be with me for a few short years before I turn him over to the elementary schools during the day.  I know that I will miss having him around when that time comes.  I will miss finding toys in funny places and having him as my little buddy in the shopping cart at stores. 

If I need to spend thirty minutes rocking Sam in a dark room to get him to settle down for a nap, then I will do just that.  I will appreciate the quickly fleeting moments of peace with a snugly baby because I know that they will be gone all too soon.

 If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.

Right now,
I am a mother.
Right now
I need to be a mother.

There will be time for everything else later.