Just thinking out loud

While I was examining the chipped paint on the wall tonight, I decided I could use my time to write something here instead.

I went to a bridal shower tonight for a friend we've known since our freshman year of college. Her name is Lindsay McGuire. It was really fun, they played games and opened gifts. Two of her sisters were there as well as her mom and of course all her best friends and roommates. We played a couple games--one involving a squirt gun and another involving touching our toes to draw our hand on a piece of colored paper. Towards the end her fiance came with five other guys and we blindfolded Lindsey and each guy kissed her on the cheek and then she had to guess which one was McKay. It was really funny because we labeled each guy with letter and McKay was "B", after he kissed her she immediately said "well that's not him". The second go around McKay planted a real kiss on her to end the game because it was apparent she wouldn't guess right anyway. It was really funny.

The whole bridal shower thing was all-over very fun and I'm excited for Lindsey, but at the same time it made me a bit sad. My roommates and best friends (Melissa, Lauren and Mallory), everyone but Nikki pretty much, are leaving for home almost immediately after finals. That's in less than four weeks. Lauren's going on a mission and Melissa may be going to Mexico to visit her bf, Fernando's home at the end of June. Nikki will be here for spring term living with me, but then she's going back home to Hawaii for the rest of the summer. Mallory's leaving UT for good, she's getting married in Connecticut and moving to Tennessee with Wendall. I'm just thinking about all the things I want to do with my friends in my life--I want them to be there for bridal showers and bachelorette parties, but I just don't think it will ever happen with all of us splitting up and going our separate ways in just a few weeks. I guess I'm just sad that they won't be there to do all these special things with me because I'm not even engaged yet. Everything is happening so fast I don't want to say goodbye to my friends at the end of this year because it's going to be goodbye for a long long time. It all just makes me so very sad. They mean so much to me and they just don't even know how much they've changed my life and who I am. When I said I was sitting here staring at the wall I was only telling half the truth, I'm really sitting here trying to stop all my tears and not worry so much about everything going on. Sometimes I just can't help it though, it seems like I never get quite exactly what I hope for in so many aspects of life. This is just something else I am going to have to give up. I'm going to miss our late night talks til 2 am because we didn't see each other all day, and I'm going to miss our tooth-brushing parties at night and bumping into everyone else who's trying to cook in our 4x4 ft kitchen. How do you say goodbye when you know things are never going to be the same ever again?